Striking a Balance Between Work and Caregiving

You are sitting in your office feeling overwhelmed by deadlines when the telephone rings...it's your mother. She sounds confused, and weak, and tells you she can't find her insulin kit. You are extremely worried and want to run home, but you have a staff meeting in fifteen minutes. What do you do?

Dad goes to an adult day care center and your daughter takes ballet classes. Both of them are ready to go home at 4:30, but you don't get out of work until 5:00. What do you do?

Does either of these two scenarios sound familiar? Are you overcome with feelings of anxiety and guilt? Do you find that your personal and professional relationships are negatively affected by stress? Moreover, is it difficult to fulfill your role as a caregiver?

No matter what your situation is, caregiving responsibilities are exhausting and demanding. In fact, the stress from being a caregiver can be so overwhelming that life becomes one big balancing act. This article offers suggestions for reducing stress and caregiver burnout, in order to help you balance your work obligations and your life as a caregiver.

Time for Yourself

Perhaps the most important aspect of balancing work and caregiving is to take care of yourself, the caregiver. Often, caregivers put their needs on the back burner as they struggle to meet the needs of others. But, if you don't take care of your physical and emotional health, how will you have the strength and stamina to care for others?

Beware of Burnout. Some experts say that one of the biggest risks caregivers face is the burnout that occurs when we take on more than we can handle, leaving us tired, irritable and apathetic. Burnout ultimately leads to depression, and can compromise your ability to focus on work and other responsibilities. Pace yourself, take frequent breaks, and set aside time for yourself in order to prevent burnout.

Relax! Sometimes it's hard to relax when there's so much to be done. It's often hard to let go of the guilt you may associate with taking time for yourself. You may be used to thinking of self-gratifying behavior as selfish or neglectful of others, but it is important to realize that depriving yourself of small luxuries and time alone is not productive for you or the person receiving your care. Burnout from your roles as caregiver, employee, etc., prevents you from enjoying quality time with others.

It's up to you to set aside time for yourself. Once you do - enjoy it. You'll be a much better caregiver if you are fresh and relaxed than if you are tired and tense. Do something for yourself: take a bubble bath, go for a walk, or see a movie! And don't forget: exercise, good nutrition, and ample rest are also vital to your general sense of well being.

Taking Charge of Your Time

Set a Schedule and Prioritize. One way to keep on top of the "balancing act" is to set a schedule. To begin, create a "to do" list of your daily tasks, and list them in order of importance. Also, remember to be realistic in your goals. For example, agreeing to be in two places at once may please your family in the short-run, but such behavior can lead to disappointment when you can't follow through on your many promises.

Leave More Time. Experts have also noted that allowing yourself more time to complete tasks decreases stress, because you feel more in control of the situation. Cramming too many events into your planner may leave you feeling guilty when you find that you can't accomplish everything you set out to do. Think about what must be done versus what should be done. This means you may have to reevaluate your priorities.

Say No. Caregivers often take on more than they can handle because they feel obligated. A great way to take charge of your time is to say no to minor distractions. For example, begin by setting limits with family and friends who have previously relied on you for almost everything. Although this may be difficult at first, it can be learned with practice.

Set Rules. Do your parents, the home care worker, doctor, or others involved in your relative's care call you at work frequently? Do these calls upset you and interfere with your work? A good way to limit calls is to be clear about when, and under what circumstances, you can be disturbed.

The Art of Delegation

Delegating tasks is another way to ease the demands of caregiving.

Ask for Help. A first step in beginning to delegate tasks is to ask for assistance. Some caregivers are afraid to request help because they see this as a sign of weakness, or they are afraid of imposing on others. When you feel you must handle everything alone, the difficulties of being a caregiver, employee, spouse and parent are increased.

Get Support. Whether you are at the early stages of the caregiving spectrum, or you have been doing it for years, you will find that support systems are a great asset. Be honest and open when you need a little extra help.

Some resources to tap into include family, friends, your place of worship, professional services and support groups. Studies show that receiving outside support may also help you emotionally. For example, even something as small as knowing that someone is available for you to talk with, can go a long way to increasing emotional well-being. There is no shame in admitting that you are having trouble handling multiple responsibilities. Reaching out to others takes confidence and maturity. Enlisting the help of others is a sign of strength.

Family. Your family can be a valuable resource for help. Below are suggestions to help you involve them.

• Preparation. Begin by making a list. Write down all the things for which you are responsible, whether on a daily, monthly, or yearly basis. Include small tasks, even if these seem insignificant. This will offer a better perspective of where time must be allocated.

• Getting Started. Next, organize a family meeting during which you express your feelings about the caregiver role and the multiple responsibilities juggled on a daily basis.

• Show and Tell. Third, show your list to the members of your family. They may not be aware of how much there is to do. Also, explain the requirements of each task, and, if appropriate, how each task affects the functioning of the entire family.

• Get Them Involved. Finally, have your family members choose tasks that they think they'll be able to perform. These don't necessarily have to be direct caregiving tasks. For example, your cousin may be able to make calls or run errands. Another family member can read to an older adult or offer companionship while you're busy. This can leave you time for other responsibilities, while allowing others to become involved.

Helping Others Help You

Friends. Apart from the pleasure of their company, friends can become part of your caregiving support network. They also provide a much-needed outsider's perspective. Your friends may be going through experiences similar to your own. According to some experts, it's very important to be able to talk to someone outside of the family. Sharing experiences may allow you to learn from one another.

If friends offer to help you, take them up on their offers! For instance, a friend may be able to drive your child to school, pick up your dry cleaning, or drop off Dad at the Senior Center.

You may also want to find relatives, friends, or neighbors who can serve as a backup in small emergencies, in the event you are tied up at work. Make sure your relative is aware of such arrangements, and provide your backup with information such as the doctor's name, telephone number and address, other important medical information, your telephone number at work, the name and telephone number of the nearest hospital, and allergies.

Professional Services. For overwhelmed caregivers, it may be worthwhile to explore services such as:

• Meals on Wheels
• Adult Day Care
• Emergency Response Systems
• Home Health Care
• Geriatric Care Managers
• Respite Care
• Senior Centers
• Family Service Agencies

Services provided by trained professionals may allow you to spend more time with your family as well as give you respite.

Support Groups. Support groups tailored specifically to caregivers are another option. Many caregivers find it helpful to share thoughts with others who are in a similar position. It is important to remember that you are not alone. Group members can be a great source of new ideas, information, and emotional support. Talking with a trained professional can also help you develop coping skills. Counselors can help address difficult issues as well as direct you to caregiving and family resources.

Contact Your Employee Assistance Program or Work/Life Program. You may find yourself focused on deadlines for a quarterly report, working early morning or late shifts, and then going home and having to cook dinner or catch up on phone calls. As a result, you may find that you don't have much time to seek out needed services. By the time you get to a phone and find some privacy, it's too late to call anyone. A great support system for busy or stressed caregivers is your employee assistance and/or work/life program. These services may be available through your company and can provide information about community resources. Counseling, support groups, and informational seminars about aging and caregiving may also be available through these programs.

Are You Overwhelmed? The Warning Signs.

Do you believe that you should be able to easily juggle work and caregiving issues? Do you feel frustrated, angry, guilty, overwhelmed and tired? These are some of the common symptoms of caregiver stress and burnout. Take the following Stress Test to help yourself become aware of common sources of stress for you.

Use the following scale to answer the questions listed below:

a) Seldom   b) Sometimes   c) Often   d) Usually   e) True   f) Always True

1. I find I cannot get enough rest.

2. I don't have enough time for myself.

3. I don't have time to be with other family members or friends beside the person I care for.

4. I feel guilty about my situation.

5. I don't get out much anymore.

6. I have a conflict with the person I care for.

7. I have conflicts with other family members or friends.

8. I have trouble concentrating at work.

9. I cry frequently.

10. I worry about having enough money to make ends meet.

11. I am having trouble meeting deadlines at work.

12. I don't feel I have enough knowledge or experience to give care as well as I would like.

13. My own health is not good.

14. I don't feel anyone understands what I am going through.

If the response to one or more of these areas is "True" or "Always True," it may be time to begin looking for help with caring for the carereceiver and help in taking care of yourself.

Caregiver Stress: Don't Burn-Out

The following are some suggestions to help you avoid burnout and caregiver stress.

• Take time to breath. Try deep breathing exercises to help with stress.

• Join a support group. You'll find you're less isolated.

• Don't do caregiving alone. If you can get help — ASK for it.

• Take good care of yourself and your health.

• Keep a journal. It can be a therapeutic release for you and an excellent way to keep your notes and information accessible.

• Let your loved one do as much for him/herself as possible and safe.

• Anticipate that crises may occur. Have contingency plans.

• Keep learning (through the physician, reading, the support group, national organizations, etc.).

• Reward yourself — you owe it to yourself, even if it's only with a hot bath or long walk. Try and schedule an occasional movie or concert.

• Learn about programs that can offer respite assistance as mentioned earlier.

Relaxation Exercise

Sit or lie down in a comfortable position. Close your eyes. Allow your mind to drift a few seconds, go with it wherever it goes. Wiggle your fingers and toes, then hands and feet, ankles and wrists. Loosen tight clothes, belts, ties. Sway your head from side to side, gently, gently. Now you have prepared yourself to relax physically and psychologically.

Now concentrate, still with your eyes closed, on some one pleasant thing you really want to think about; maybe it is a place you have visited in the past, or your dream place of your own imagination. It might be the seashore, or high on a hill, or in a field of grass and flowers. Become totally immersed in the place. Smell the smells you remember. See the sights it offers. Hear the sounds. Feel it, whether it be water or sand or soil or snow. Fully realize this place or situation you are in: if it is on the sandy beach, sift your fingers through the warm sand and smell it, hold the sand to your cheek, smell the salt of the sea, search the skyline for gulls and terns and low clouds in the distance. Your body is totally weightless. You are totally in control of this scene. It is so relaxing and pleasant and beautiful, you are breathing slowly, peacefully. This is YOUR place and no one can take it from you.

After you have sufficiently experienced your peaceful imagining, whenever you have a chance, return to your special place, close your eyes again, tune in, relive those special few moments in the world of your choosing where everything is perfect and everything is yours. This relaxation exercise can benefit you all day.

And Remember . . . Striking a balance between work and caregiving responsibilities is a process. Balance can be achieved with the support and assistance of others — some personal and some professional. Good communication is an essential part of caregiving and you may find it will ease the process for you and your loved ones. Finally, despite the fact that caregiving and work can be overwhelming, try and step back from the pressure and maintain a sense of humor!

Source: © Harris, Rothenberg International, LLC